Change For An Angry Marriage



Change For An Angry Marriage

“We get angry all the time. I know we love one another and it wasn’t always like this.”

Lori and George live right here in Manassas near Gainesville and Haymarket and have been married for 20 years. They came to The Path To Well-Being for marriage counseling and coaching because of physical intimacy problems and what Lori called “emotional distance.” In the first session, the obvious anger between them was very noticeable. At their second session, they named the emotion that was under the obvious anger…..  They quickly reflected, “They missed each other”  “They each needed their partner on their side, but it is no longer safe to reach out for them.” Their eyes grew wide and they nodded as each became aware of the distance. Both partners had tears in their eyes. Lori said, “I’m really feeling lonely.”

It’s common for anger to brew deep below the surface of a marriage. I often hear something like, “one little thing happens and we just blow up!” Anger is a red warning sign. It often means we are feeling unheard or vulnerable but we do not feel safe to express it. Anger means we are leaning away in order to protect our hearts. Unfortunately, most couples get stuck here and their default setting becomes anger and the gap between their hearts grows even wider. Whether you are married or dating, the path to anger leads to decreased physical intimacy, loneliness, decreased communication, harsh conflicts, withdrawal, and resentment.  Anger slowly destroys your marriage.

A skilled marriage counselor/coach can get in there with you and help both of you understand what is happening underneath the anger.  Anger protects you from hurt, but it pushes your partner away from you. In couples coaching/therapy, you learn to make it emotionally safe to show the feelings beneath the anger (hurt, fear, anxiety, shame, etc.,) and begin creating a space where your hearts can reach toward each other for understanding, love, and support. That’s where the magic happens.

After a few months, Lori and George were able to get away from defaulting to anger and began expressing their underlying feelings with one another.  George was able to talk to Jessica for the first time about his job security fears and Jessica was able to express her shame about not enjoying being a stay-at-home mother as much as she had hoped. This shift allowed them to hear each other at a deeper and more loving level. They both told me they felt a closeness with each other they had never felt before. It felt like they were new friends and lovers.

If the default setting in your marriage is stuck on anger please reach out for help. It’s not easy, but I’ve seen couples who have been closed-off to each other for years become open, vulnerable, connected, silly, and in love again. I believe your story can have the happy ending Lori and George experienced.

Contact The Path to Well-Being Office at:
(703)382-6871 or [email protected]

https://www.thepathtowell-being.com/mediation-and-conflict-resolution-services

Conveniently located at 9300 Grant Avenue, Suite 101, Manassas, VA 20110

Proudly Serving:

Bristow, Chantilly, Herndon, Reston, Centreville, Fairfax, Springfield, Vienna, Tysons Corner, Fair Oaks, Gainesville, Haymarket, Manassas, Woodbridge, Dumfries, Culpeper, Warrenton, Marshall, Manassas City, Fauquier County, Culpeper County, Prince William County, Loudoun County, Clarke County, and Orange County, Dale City, Washington D.C. and Surrounding Areas. Specialize In Veterans and their Families, Digital /Online support

Contact Me

Location

Availability

Phone 703-382-6871 | Fax 703-382-6872 | [email protected]

Primary

Monday:

9:00 am-8:00 pm

Tuesday:

9:00 am-8:00 pm

Wednesday:

9:00 am-8:00 pm

Thursday:

9:00 am-8:00 pm

Friday:

9:00 am-8:00 pm

Saturday:

Appointment Only

Sunday:

Closed